I have moved on but not my ex-fiancé…

So I am being stalked by my ex-fiancé. I recently stopped all communication with my ex. We became friends with benefits with him after we broke up and haven’t stopped seeing each other until I put a stop to it recently.  Now he’s been stalking my facebook texting me who,what,where,and why.

My Ex and I have a long story behind our relationship. We have gone from being totally in love to using each other, it was coming to a point where we almost hate each other. I’m not saying that the whole thing was one sided. We did enjoy each others company. We would see each other a number of times a week. Then slowly and slowly we started seeing each other less and less. Lately I have become to busy and tired of my ex nagging. He’s been wanting to see me. Like I have told him for the past year that the only time I will see him will be because I need the sex. I haven’t been needing any sex from him because sex with my boyfriend was so awesome. It use to be the other way around. I would be there when ever my ex needed me. Why? Well we both still had feelings but mine slowly but surly went away. At this point I no longer cared for him. He became different over the time. It’s the reason we both fell out of love and broke up. We both changed.  His relationship and life became shitty. ,I on the other hand, had a awesome relationship and life.

The time I decided to stop seeing my ex was when we had a argument. Well it started because he wanted to see me but I told him I had no time I got off work 8am and I needed to get home. When he asked why is when all hell broke loose. I told him I needed to make breakfast when I got home for my boyfriend before he goes to work. then clean the room and do the laundry before I can finally sleep. My Ex got pissed off. He started exaggerating how I never did that for him and so on. All this time he’s insulting me and my bf, I just sit listening to this and I think to my self. Why do I still put up with his crap when my bf and life with him is so wonderful? My relationship with my ex was becoming abusive. This was never the case with him. He use to be so loving and thoughtful. He would never have done this before. He was becoming worse and worse every time I would see him. He was finding any little reason to blame me with something. Even when I tried to defend myself he wont let go and that would ignite a fight. So that’s why I would stop seeing him.

So now my ex is stalking me. He has been texting me everyday at 6am like clockwork. Asking to see me even after our fight. I didn’t understand how he can talk to me all sweetly when just the other day he said his “wife” was way better then me and what a bitch I was. Even though I reminded him of this. He always says he never ment it. He then showed up to my job unannounced. This was a total shock to me. When I first saw him pull up to my job all I can feel is my stomach drop. I thought I was fucked.  I couldn’t believe he was here. I was afraid he was going to do what he did at my last job. What he did was horrible. Harassing me infront of everyone while I worked. I had to lock myself in the back room and call security on him. I wasn’t going to let him do it to me again. I put on my serious face and told him to leave before I called the cops. He asked to be heard I gave him one minute. He asked if I had fun at the party. I was shocked. he gave me info that I never posted on facebook or twitter. I told him to leave me alone that he had to take care of his 1year old son and his expecting wife. Once that was said he got mad once again and left. When I changed my number and set my profiles to private he still managed to continue haunting my life. Somehow his wife got my number. She kept calling me private and from different numbers. I don’t know what her mission was. Maybe to see if I was still with him or wanting to start something. I don’t know really. Each time my ex or his “wife” would call I would ignore or tell them they have a wrong number. I can handle all of this myself but if they do cross the line and try to contact my current boyfriend. I don’t need them to ruin what I got going.  I don’t understand if I have left him alone to have his family he cant let me go so I can have mine.

Rule #1: IF YOU CANT LIE DONT START!

     IF YOU CANT LIE DONT START! This is the first thing I tell anyone who comes to me for advice on how to lie, cheat, and steal. I wasn’t a pro but I was pretty good. People might say im messed up or mean even heartless but people have no idea that it was how I was raised. Before I knew that lying cheating and stealing were wrong I had a few years doing it. Now don't go thinking my mom that taught me to do this because it wasn’t, it was my father. Yep it was him. 

Now why would he teach me all this?! well because I was his backup. As far as I can remember I can lie to my mom, my brothers, teachers, bosses and police. Since they would believe me I learned that I can get away with almost anything. My father had me lie to officers before I was in kindergarten. I didn't know better. I just knew that my father couldn't get in trouble. So because my father would get in trouble with the law alot I had to be the one  backing up what ever story he came up with of how and why he had certain things or why he was at certain places and what he was doing. I won't go into details now. I can do that later.

Anyways I explain to the person who wishes to lie and get away with whatever they want that they have to lose there conscience. Doing this helps like you have no idea. If you start a lie you can not feel bad about it.  You will have to be prepared to say any thing and everything so they will believe you and so you can get away with it. This is the reason why my number one rule is if you cant lie better not to start.  Some lies are just hard on the conscience. You start feeling guilty and start thinking about it and start feeling terrible.  Once that starts you start losing it and slip somewhere, then you try to cover it up and then its exposed and your looked at someone that is not trust worthy or maybe worse.  This can not happen.  You loose credibility and you will forever be labeled a liar. Never trusted again. This can not happen.

If they do decide to go on well I have them explain the situation. Every situation is different. Every little detail is important. So you analyze the situation. Ok now consider the consequences. Are you prepared to face them? Do you think you can get away with it? do you have a back up if your lie doesn't stick?  Do you believe the lie? Can it actually happen? Can you live with it? and is it worth it?  If you answered no any of the questions, then don't start.

This is what I tell and explain to someone when they ask for advice on lieing. One lie is never just one lie! There will always be another one and another for it to cover the first one. So think about it.

R.I.P. DREAMER ITS BEEN TWO YEARS BUT SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY

Yesterday marked the day you passed away. Each year i think its going to get better, but it doesn't. For those that don't know on August 1st 2009 at 1:45am i lost a cousin to a car accident. This year I didn't have the guts to go to your mass. no not this year. I was hurting to much. I did do what i did for the past two years, which was drink. the only day of the year i do it. it helps me cope. only day of the year i also cry, i just cry because i miss you, i cry because i wish i had more time to spend with my favorite cousin. Dreamer i miss you. well you always did includ me in everything, you always made me smile and laugh when the whole world abandon me. Now whose going to make me laugh and smile now?! each time i hear a song that reminds me of you, all i can do is look up in the sky. i can hear your laugh and it brings a smile to my face. you were to young to go. why did you have to leave? deep down i know your in a better place. i know you wont feel pain anymore. i love you Primito. R.I.P. Dreamer

Now let me tell you about my cousin. His name Dreamer. he and his brother are my cousins. They are my closest cousins i have. They were always there on the weekends since we were children. i loved them. The older one was the serious one and Dreamer well he was the little clown. He was younger then his brother, my brothers and me. so he was the youngest of us 5. He was the funniest and the one who had all the talent. He can dance like no other. As far as i can remember ever since as long as he can stand up, he can dance. Michel Jackson was one of his idols in the 90's. He can dance as good as him and even better. He can express everything he had inside through his dance. No matter what it was he can do it. Break dancing was always his favorite. Even though there were many times where he will hurt himself pretty bad he kept going until he got it right. Dreamer also the funniest person around no one can top his humor or stunts and jokes. He loved to see and make everyone laugh and I mean everyone. That's why i miss him. No matter how depressed I was, he would always drag me out of what ever place I was in and always ask what was i doing. He would be awed by my crafts or poems or how well i did my own thing. I was blessed to have him and anyone who got to meet him were too, but sadly now hes gone.

I still remember that chilling call from my mom. I was just getting to work, she started telling me there was a car accident. someone was killed. My firsts thoughts where of my older reckless brother. My mom said if my brother had called me. I said he hasn't. I can feel my chest tightening, then she said with her voice full of sorrow "no, it was your cousin". At that moment I can feel myself go cold. I felt the blood drain to my feet. I stood there at my desk, frozen, speechless. Inside i was crying, screaming "no! it cant be". Tried as i might i couldn't make a sound. I can feel the tears rolling down my cheek. I finally found a way and said no it couldn't be. he was suppose to go over today. I screamed to my mom, "no its not true its not true at all!". I needed to see him i needed to go to him. My coworkers stopped me they wouldn't let me go. i was screaming fighting to get free to reach my cousin. i cried out loud "no its not true" over and over in front of everyone, i didn't care. they drove me home all that time i couldn't believe it. i denied it screaming no. my coworker and best friend tried to calm me.. i tried and lost it. i started to drink to calm myself and the rest... i cant even type about it...

No one would tell me what had happen until later that night. I found out that my cousin Dreamer was with his cousin. They just got out of a party they were going 120mph... they crashed into a huge pillar... they died on impact... both didn't survive... the coroners said they didn't feel a thing.... now every year today i remissness and think of him... wishing it was me...

OK so many will think well that sucks and all... but you know what before i wouldn't be so held together. yes i drink but if i was the old me i would have not stopped the next day, i would have kept going and going... but strangely I'm not the same since that dark day two years ago. That's when my whole life started to change... made me appreciated life a little bit more...

 I Dream but never sleep - Dreamer

He said it will be better if i wrote it....

      Hello well where to start. My ex fiance always said it would be better if I wrote my "dramatic" and "tragic" life then when i was done to send him a copy. I guess that is what I am going to do. I know what your all thinking, what is this girl thinking. To tell you the truth, since I was 8 I was filled with so much emotion I didn't know what to do. Well not until I was 16 and I found a forum, that is no longer there but I wrote all my problems and it did help. I met new people that had the same issues and we helped each other. now I'm going through a few things that i can not tell anyone around or in my life because, well I'm living a life that...well its complicated. i just hope this helps me and maybe...maybe someone out there.
             Who am I? I am 24 years old girl that is seriously over weight (yes im fat get over it). should i tell you my race? but would it really matter? nah you all will find out later on anyways. i will be blogging about my past, present, and what i want from the future. also i will mention my family, friends and my relationship with my boyfriend and my lovers. Another thing that will be mentioned here will be my life lessons on how I survived being a latch key kid, a suicidal teen, and a homeless girl. Many wont believe me, some will have pity, some will laugh, Many will make fun and others well... who knows if there still nice people out there. i am not expecting anyone to believe me or anything of the sort. i really don't give a fuck what anyone thinks... i am me.... and this is my life.