R.I.P. DREAMER ITS BEEN TWO YEARS BUT SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY

Yesterday marked the day you passed away. Each year i think its going to get better, but it doesn't. For those that don't know on August 1st 2009 at 1:45am i lost a cousin to a car accident. This year I didn't have the guts to go to your mass. no not this year. I was hurting to much. I did do what i did for the past two years, which was drink. the only day of the year i do it. it helps me cope. only day of the year i also cry, i just cry because i miss you, i cry because i wish i had more time to spend with my favorite cousin. Dreamer i miss you. well you always did includ me in everything, you always made me smile and laugh when the whole world abandon me. Now whose going to make me laugh and smile now?! each time i hear a song that reminds me of you, all i can do is look up in the sky. i can hear your laugh and it brings a smile to my face. you were to young to go. why did you have to leave? deep down i know your in a better place. i know you wont feel pain anymore. i love you Primito. R.I.P. Dreamer

Now let me tell you about my cousin. His name Dreamer. he and his brother are my cousins. They are my closest cousins i have. They were always there on the weekends since we were children. i loved them. The older one was the serious one and Dreamer well he was the little clown. He was younger then his brother, my brothers and me. so he was the youngest of us 5. He was the funniest and the one who had all the talent. He can dance like no other. As far as i can remember ever since as long as he can stand up, he can dance. Michel Jackson was one of his idols in the 90's. He can dance as good as him and even better. He can express everything he had inside through his dance. No matter what it was he can do it. Break dancing was always his favorite. Even though there were many times where he will hurt himself pretty bad he kept going until he got it right. Dreamer also the funniest person around no one can top his humor or stunts and jokes. He loved to see and make everyone laugh and I mean everyone. That's why i miss him. No matter how depressed I was, he would always drag me out of what ever place I was in and always ask what was i doing. He would be awed by my crafts or poems or how well i did my own thing. I was blessed to have him and anyone who got to meet him were too, but sadly now hes gone.

I still remember that chilling call from my mom. I was just getting to work, she started telling me there was a car accident. someone was killed. My firsts thoughts where of my older reckless brother. My mom said if my brother had called me. I said he hasn't. I can feel my chest tightening, then she said with her voice full of sorrow "no, it was your cousin". At that moment I can feel myself go cold. I felt the blood drain to my feet. I stood there at my desk, frozen, speechless. Inside i was crying, screaming "no! it cant be". Tried as i might i couldn't make a sound. I can feel the tears rolling down my cheek. I finally found a way and said no it couldn't be. he was suppose to go over today. I screamed to my mom, "no its not true its not true at all!". I needed to see him i needed to go to him. My coworkers stopped me they wouldn't let me go. i was screaming fighting to get free to reach my cousin. i cried out loud "no its not true" over and over in front of everyone, i didn't care. they drove me home all that time i couldn't believe it. i denied it screaming no. my coworker and best friend tried to calm me.. i tried and lost it. i started to drink to calm myself and the rest... i cant even type about it...

No one would tell me what had happen until later that night. I found out that my cousin Dreamer was with his cousin. They just got out of a party they were going 120mph... they crashed into a huge pillar... they died on impact... both didn't survive... the coroners said they didn't feel a thing.... now every year today i remissness and think of him... wishing it was me...

OK so many will think well that sucks and all... but you know what before i wouldn't be so held together. yes i drink but if i was the old me i would have not stopped the next day, i would have kept going and going... but strangely I'm not the same since that dark day two years ago. That's when my whole life started to change... made me appreciated life a little bit more...

 I Dream but never sleep - Dreamer